Establishing clear boundaries with clients is essential for maintaining safety, professionalism, and personal well-being in sex work. At Intimate Link, we believe that sex workers should feel empowered to set and enforce their own rules without fear of pressure or compromise. This guide explores why boundaries matter, how to communicate them effectively, and what to do when they are challenged.
Why Boundaries Are Essential
Boundaries help sex workers:
- Stay safe and reduce the risk of harm.
- Maintain professionalism and control over their services.
- Avoid emotional and physical burnout.
- Ensure mutual respect between themselves and their clients.
Without boundaries, clients may try to push limits, demand more than agreed, or engage in unsafe or manipulative behaviour. Clear rules help define what is and isn’t acceptable, keeping interactions professional and within your comfort zone.
Types of Boundaries to Set
Every sex worker has different preferences and limits, but some common boundaries include:
1. Physical Boundaries
- Decide what types of services you will and will not provide.
- Make it clear whether certain acts are off-limits.
- Insist on protection for all sexual services—never compromise on safety.
2. Time Boundaries
- Be strict about booking durations—clients should not expect extra time unless paid for.
- Do not let clients overstay or ask for last-minute extensions without prior agreement.
- Set clear policies for cancellations, late arrivals, and no-shows.
3. Communication Boundaries
- Specify when and how clients can contact you.
- Do not tolerate excessive messaging or calls outside of agreed times.
- Block clients who become intrusive, disrespectful, or aggressive.
4. Privacy Boundaries
- Never share personal details such as your real name, home address, or personal phone number.
- Avoid adding clients on social media or giving them access to your personal life.
- Use a work phone and separate email for professional interactions.
5. Financial Boundaries
- Set clear prices for your services and stick to them.
- Do not allow clients to haggle, request discounts, or offer “exposure” instead of payment.
- Always take payment upfront to avoid being scammed.
How to Communicate Boundaries Effectively
1. Be Direct and Assertive
You do not owe clients an explanation for your boundaries. Be clear and confident when stating your limits:
- Example: “I don’t offer that service.”
- Example: “I only accept pre-booked appointments.”
If a client repeatedly ignores your boundaries, they are not respecting you—do not hesitate to cut them off.
2. Include Boundaries in Your Advertisements
Make your boundaries known from the start by listing your services, rates, and rules in your profile or ad. This prevents misunderstandings and deters clients who might try to push limits.
3. Enforce Boundaries Consistently
- Do not make exceptions for clients, even if they seem nice or offer more money.
- If a client crosses a line, remind them of your boundaries and, if necessary, end the booking.
- Block and blacklist clients who repeatedly violate your limits.
4. Use a Screening Process
Before accepting a booking, screen clients by asking questions or speaking via video call. This can help you detect potential red flags, such as:
- Clients who try to negotiate prices.
- Those who refuse to discuss details in advance.
- Individuals who seem aggressive or disrespectful.
What to Do If a Client Pushes Your Boundaries
Unfortunately, some clients will try to test limits or ignore boundaries entirely. Here’s how to handle them:
If a Client Tries to Haggle
- Stand firm on your rates—never feel pressured to lower your price.
- Politely but firmly say, “My prices are non-negotiable.”
- If they persist, refuse the booking and block them.
If a Client Tries to Remove Protection
- Never engage in unsafe services, no matter how much they offer to pay.
- If they refuse protection, end the booking immediately.
- Warn other sex workers about repeat offenders through platforms like ClientEye.
If a Client Tries to Extend the Booking Without Paying
- Remind them politely that their time is up.
- If they refuse to leave, stay calm but assertive—do not argue.
- Have a safety plan in place, such as checking in with a friend during and after the appointment.
If a Client Becomes Aggressive or Threatening
- End the booking immediately and leave if it is safe to do so.
- Report them to support organisations such as National Ugly Mugs (NUM).
- Block them and warn other sex workers.
How to Stay Safe While Enforcing Boundaries
1. Work in a Safe Location
If possible, work from a location where you feel secure. Consider having a panic alarm, security cameras, or someone nearby for added safety.
2. Share Your Location with a Trusted Person
Let a friend, colleague, or support service know your whereabouts during appointments. Some sex workers use live location-sharing apps for extra security.
3. Trust Your Gut
If something doesn’t feel right about a client or situation, walk away. Your safety and well-being are far more important than any booking.
4. Report Problematic Clients
Use sex worker safety networks to report clients who are dangerous, abusive, or disrespectful. Sharing this information can help keep others safe.
Support and Resources for Sex Workers
At Intimate Link, we prioritise your safety and well-being. If you need support or want to report a problematic client, we encourage you to reach out. Additionally, there are organisations dedicated to helping sex workers stay safe:
- National Ugly Mugs (NUM): Provides alerts and support for sex workers facing violence or abuse.
- ClientEye: Allows sex workers to report dangerous clients and timewasters.
- Changing Lives’ Net Reach Programme: Offers advice and safety support for online sex workers.
Your Boundaries, Your Rights
Sex workers deserve respect, safety, and control over their own work. Setting and enforcing boundaries is not only your right but also essential for your well-being. By staying firm and using the right tools, you can protect yourself while maintaining a professional and empowering experience.
For more safety tips and advice, visit our Sex Worker Safety Hub.